


the pickup line competition

by starsandcoffee



Series: Klance Oneshots [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm such klance trash, Keith is actually good at responding to pickups, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Fluff, M/M, Pickup Lines, SO GAY, so much fluff!, they're all happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 15:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10969821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandcoffee/pseuds/starsandcoffee
Summary: You've heard of Keith can't understand pickup lines, but consider: Keith is amazing at shutting Lance's pickup lines the fuck down.(A/N: All the works in the Klance Oneshots series are separate, so don't worry about order!)





	the pickup line competition

**Author's Note:**

> I stole like 50% of the cheesy pickup lines from the internet and the other 50% from creepy messages I've gotten...  
> this just didn't fit in the plot of either of my other ongoing stories but I had to write it down, so?
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy <3
> 
> (edit: hey thanks for all the kudos etc! hit me up @queenbrekker on twitter if you wanna scream about klance or otherwise fangirl!)

The couch creaks as Lance flops down on it, barely fitting in between Pidge and Hunk. “Guys, I’m dying,” he exclaims, flipping his hair and sighing heavily. “What now?” asks Keith, looking highly unimpressed with his drama. “I struck out so hard on that last planet and I don’t know why!” exclaims Lance, doing his best to look pitiful. “I can list reasons,” laughs Keith. “Face, body, personality…” he starts, ticking them off on his fingers. “Oh!” says Pidge. “And pickup lines! Don’t forget pickup lines!” 

“That’s probably the main problem,” says Hunk, chuckling. “Um,” starts Lance, looking hurt. “My pickup lines are the backbone of my flirting game!” “What flirting game?” says Keith, then ducks as Lance sends a pretend punch towards his head. “You don’t think I have game, Keith? My game will literally knock you on your ass if I turn it on full force.” “Is that a threat?” Keith asks, raising an eyebrow “Damn straight it’s a threat. Let’s go right now!” exclaims Lance, standing up and pushing up his sleeves. 

Pidge and Hunk look delighted. “Here’s the terms,” says Pidge, grinning like a cat. “Lance can use his best pickup lines and whatever charm he has on Keith. Keith’ll respond however he wants, but if he’s flustered then Lance wins.” “Gentlemen, start your engines,” says Hunk. “Actually, wait, I’m getting space popcorn!”

Ten minutes later, Hunk returns with a giant bowl of pinkish popcorn for him and Pidge to share. They sit back on the couch and get comfortable, waiting for the impromptu pickup line battle to start. Lance runs a hand through his hair and does some exaggerated stretches, but Keith just stands motionless (although his cheeks are definitely redder than normal). “Ready?” asks Lance. “Let’s go,” says Keith. 

“Let’s start with a classic,” grins Lance, looking like the Cheshire Cat. He walks a slow circle around Keith, who raises an eyebrow. He makes a show of staring at Keith’s ass, whistling. “Damn, boy, those must be space pants because that ass is _out of this world.”_ Pidge chuckles, expecting to see Keith’s face burst into flame (as it often does when Lance flirts with him). However, Keith sports a steely resolve and seems absolutely determined to win this thing. He smirks and turns slowly to face Lance. “No, _boy_ ” — he puts as much sarcasm into the word as he can — “they’re prison pants, because I want to escape from this thing.” Pidge and Hunk make that universal _oooooh_ sound that comes with a good roast. “You might just be outmatched here, Lance,” says Pidge, tossing popcorn at him. 

“I’m just warming up!” protests Lance, then assumes a face of focus and turns to Keith. “If I said you had a hot body” — he leers, drawing out the words — “would you hold it against me?” Keith is unfazed. “Huh,” he starts, pretending to think. “If I said I wanted to see your ass, would you turn around and walk away?” Lance reacts dramatically, flopping to the floor and pretending to be upset. “Damn, you’re a harder audience than that alien,” he exclaims. Keith doesn’t even react to that, only popping an eyebrow in response to Pidge and Hunk’s laughter. 

Lance pops up suddenly, apparently ready to try again. “Hey, did we have a class at the Garrison? I thought we had chemistry together.” Keith rolls his eyes, unimpressed. “Maybe it was history, which is what you should be now.” Pidge and Hunk are clutching each others’ hands, watching this battle go down in glee. 

Lance draws closer to Keith and draws a thumb along his jawline. “Where have you been all my life?” he asks, obviously trying for short and sweet. “Hiding from you,” replies Keith, absolutely nonplussed. He’s always impulsive and fiery in battles, but he’s absolutely collected in the face of Lance’s pickup line offensive. Lance is clearly flagging, unused to this amount of resistance, but he’s got an almost endless supply of pickup lines. He steps even closer, staring into Keith’s eyes. 

“Baby, do you believe in fate?” he asks, turning his charm on full blast. “No, but bad luck obviously exists,” replies Keith, gesturing at Lance. Pidge and Hunk are practically dead, shaking with laughter. Nobody has seen this side of Keith yet, but it’s incredible to watch him take Lance down so solidly. 

Lance pretend stumbles in front of Keith and catches his arm for support. “Was that an earthquake?” he asks, exaggeratedly, “or did you just rock my world?” Keith looks disapproving. “Lance, the only natural disaster here is you,” he replies, absolutely straight-faced. “Jesus!” yells Hunk. “Pull it together, dude, you’re getting destroyed here!” Lance shushed him and cracks his knuckles. 

“I didn’t know angels flew so low,” says Lance, tracing the side of Keith’s face in an obvious attempt to distract him. Keith calmly pulls his hand from his face. “I didn’t know losers aimed so high,” he says, then turns away. Lance groans, raking his hands through his short hair. “C’mon, McClain,” he whispers to himself, then says something in Spanish. 

“Keith?” he asks. “Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?” “No,” drawls Keith, “they hurt from dodging shit lines like that.” Pidge and Hunk have almost finished their popcorn and they’re watching eagerly, looking absolutely ecstatic. “Keep trying, Lance,” encourages Pidge. 

Lance steels himself for another attempt. “Do you believe in love at first sight,” he smirks, “or should I walk by again?” Keith flips him off. “Go ahead,” he laughs, “I could use practice with hitting a moving target.” 

“Looks like you dropped something,” says Lance, “my jaw.” “Oh, and seems like you dropped your dignity too,” says Keith, and allows himself a small smile. “Shiiiiit,” whisper Pidge and Hunk. “One last try!” encourages Hunk. 

Lance goes all out. “Wanna sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up?” He snags Keith around the waist and pulls him down so they’re both on the couch and Keith is in his lap. “Well, this’ll be a short conversation,” says Keith, gesturing at Lance’s crotch. Pidge and Hunk yell incoherently. 

Lance is obviously trying to muster an intelligent response, but he’s the one that is completely ruffled. His face is red under his tan and he’s actually kind of sweaty. “Damn, Keith, you win unanimously,” says Pidge. “He’s completely flustered.” 

Keith hasn’t moved from Lance’s lap and Lance hasn’t tried to get him up. Keith shifts slightly, and _ohgod_ he feels something. _That_ definitely flusters him more than anything else has. _Fuck it_ , he thinks, we’ve gotten this far. “You think he’s flustered now, Pidge?” he asks, hoping desperately he isn’t reading everything wrong. Then he reaches in and kisses Lance. 

Lance makes a muffled noise of surprise against his mouth. Pidge and Hunk make not-so-muffled noises — Pidge basically yells “WHAT THE FUCK” and Hunk claps a hand over her mouth, but he’s dying too. “Guess Lance’s pickup lines actually worked for once,” he whispers, but Lance doesn’t hear him. Pidge and Hunk make _yikes_ faces at each other and slip out of the room as quietly as they can, then explode into laughter once they leave.

Keith isn’t sure if Lance will pull away out of embarrassment (or because Keith read everything wrong) but he definitely doesn’t. Instead, he lifts a hand up to hold the side of Keith’s face and to move their mouths together better. Lance breaks their kiss just long enough to whisper, “See? My pickup lines work.” “Just this once,” says Keith. “Just this once.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was too lazy to continue the smut so it kinda just ends -- maybe I'll write a continuation one time.  
> Hit up my other works if you want more klance!


End file.
